I actually liked it when my dad touched me

The first time it was a weird feeling but after a while I actually started to like it. And I would eventually do things to purposely turn him on. I have never told anyone this and nevertheless the abuse traumatized me and I never trusted my dad anymore and he’s dead now. I did tell my mom about the abuse, but I never told her or anyone that I enjoyed it. Sometimes I even find myself having to think about the abuse in order to reach orgasm when I masturbate. I don’t know if somethings wrong with me and/or if I’m permanently messed up in the head or what but I hate that I think like this and I hate that I liked it when I was violated by my own father. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to live life only getting off by thinking of a pedophile and myself being victimized by that man. A lot of times I think about suicide

I’m sorry Kayleigh, but I’m not a troll. I really was victimized from the age of 4 to age 17. I know non-victims like you don’t think sexual abuse victims exist but we do and it’s a definite fight for me to keep going everyday.