Atleast i have you 😢

Some people are born blessed with talent, beauty, charm, natural abilities.

I wasn’t one of those people.

I was born the result of an illicit affair my white mother had with a black man at work.

My mother was married to a white man and I represented a humiliating mistake in their marriage.

My stepfather merely tolerated me. He never loved me. My Caucasian half siblings hate me. They’ve never loved me and openly state the same.

My biological father has schizophrenia. He’s hateful and racist. He told me to “fuck off” and instructed me to never speak to him again.

I inherited my biological father’s overweight genetics. I can’t stay under 200lbs unless I starve myself. Which my mother has encouraged my entire life.

My hair is unmanageable. Mixed textures that make it unruly all the time. My mom asks me to keep it straightened when I come around.

I have a lisp, a high pitched squeaky voice and I frequently forget the right words when I’m trying to speak. I stumble though conversations so much that I typically remain quiet so everyone thinks I’m shy. When in reality I’m embarrassed to speak.

I have issues with my sexuality. I’m 28 and terrified to use tampons. I cried hysterically when I was in labor and had to frequently undergo cervix checks.

There’s literally nothing I like about myself. I’ve considered suicide many times.

I don’t understand why God would even create such a wretched person like me. Nothing significant. Unloved and unliked. Unnoticed by all.

But there is one thing in my life that has given me hope. Given me a will to live and move forward.

God gave me a man. An ordinary man with an extraordinary capacity for love and acceptance. A man who makes me laugh. Constantly assures me of his love and devotion. A man who’s love has seemed to grow deeper and deeper for me every day for the last 10 years.

A man who has given me a daughter. A beautiful ángel who has been added to my life to give it more meaning.

I may not have been given beauty, or confidence, or athleticism, or brilliance. But I was given someone to love me despite my flaws. Someone who points out the things he loves about me every day. And for that I am truly blessed.