i’m stupid.

my boyfriend tries to break up with me but something always changes his decision the more we talk about it every time. i know he’s not good for me. i know he doesn’t treat me right. i know he’s not a good person. but i can’t let him go. i just cant. he’s my comfort. my home. i feel so safe in his arms. like i’m untouchable. his smell and his voice and his warmth and his body and how he holds me all night and the things he does and how he moves and his persistence and how hardworking he is and how stubborn he can be and he always makes jokes at the wrong time and how playful he is and how much of a big baby he is and just everything about him, even the bad things.. i can’t let that go. i can’t let him go. he’s everything i want even though he has some major flaws. i just can’t find the strength to leave him. every time we go to break up it’s like a hurricane. it builds up and then when it hits. everything is torn apart. then when it’s over, everything is rebuilt and okay until another hurricane hits. i don’t even know myself anymore because i’ve lost myself loving him. i give him everything. he’s my love. but i know he’s not mentally or physically healthy for me. and i need to let him go but i’m too weak.