Is it normal to hate people? My friends specifically?

I don’t know... I am just tired of fakery. I am tired of them getting jealous of me and always trying to be better than me. That brings me down you know.

I came to the point to hate so much hanging out with them, and even hate meeting new people (something that I always was interested in). I started having real trust issues and that makes me so pissed.

They want us to go out tomorrow again and that is so tiring. Firstly, I hate making my parents stay awake for me especially on days that they have work the next day. Secondly, where they want us to go is like 30min away from my house so my parents need 1 hour for just go and back. Thirdly, I am tired and stressed about all of the conversations we will be having. I feel like I will burst my mouth in public if I get mad one more time. I HATE drama. And I have realized this a year ago. I thought I liked it but when it started affecting me negatively, I just got fed up.

I am the quiet person so I never say anything. But there is a war happening in my head, and if I don’t manage to free my head again, I don’t know what I’ll do.

I have already tried finding excuses not to meet with them but they solved everything up for me which means that I have to face them once again. And I really have nothing new to say. I will just go there with my mouth shut and show my dark side (something that I never wanted to happen).

I am just so mad. I don’t know if I am understood. I just want space. I want to stay alone for a bit and reorganize my messed up life. I want a new beginning. I want to fix all my mistakes of the past and they are just pulling me back. I feel controlled and that is not desirable. Do you get me?