Just need to vent

Labor didn't go as planned and that's fine, I know stuff happens so I knew to stay open minded. But my emergency c-section has really messed me up. First there were complications and I lost a lot of blood but I don't even know what the complications were. All I know is a 30 minute procedure took over an hour and I was pale for days. well I also have an infection in my c-section which came a week and a half after. Dr said it was odd for that to happen so far out but that it does happen. So now it's like starting over on healing since I walk around with a slit in the incision that constantly oozes because it's not deep enough to pack but it's open and needs to drain. I can't wear my own underwear or the new ones I just bought because they all rest on the incision. So I guess I have to try to find something like granny panties now but that means sending my SO to find some and get the correct size simce I'm almost out if the ones from the hospital and the infection is prolonging me not wearing clothes that fit.

Then there's my perfect little baby, that I'd of course do all this again for. My poor little man had to be stuck and have blood drawn every day multiple times a day for the first 5 days of life. The first 2 days home we had to take him back to the hospital to redo tests because his bilirubin was high. Then we finally get the ok on that and a week later we get called to take him back to the hospital immediately for more testing because his pku results were abnormal/high. Then the pediatrician is talking about molds for his ears because thr cartilage is a little different but that has to be done right away and my SO wants to do it. That's not a big deal but I just feel like I'm putting him through so much. We've had a bit of a rough start and I just want my baby to be healthy with no more pricks, I hate watching him cry and being pricked so much. Everytime i see the pediatrician number pop up i dont even want to answer because its a constant scare with "his results arent normal". his little feet are covered in spots from taking so much blood. I also just want to heal so i can take care of him better/easier. I'm not supposed to walk upstairs holding anything, even my baby, how can you not hold your baby when you're the one home taking care of him..