I didn’t know where to put this, but I have to talk about it it’s killing me, I wish I could say something to his grandmother (my aunt), his brother and sisters. I know I can’t take this pain away, and it sucks, my heart it broken, I’ve been trying to keep my mind occupied so I won’t think about it, I am alone right now, my husband wanted me to just sleep in bc I stayed up late crying and playing games to keep my mind from wondering, he amazing my husband. My cousin passed away yesterday out of the blue, he has seizures and had one yesterday and passed away at home (a home he share with his brother and oldest sister), his brothers girlfriend found him, she had he 2year old with her. He was just so young and already lived a lifetime of problems, he was smart, funny, and lost. He was lost, and didn’t know,who to turn to, it hurts. He didn’t commit suicide he had a seizure, no one was there and they sent him for Autopsy, but the coroner said that more than likely if someone was there he still wouldn’t have lived, how would he know?? They can’t determine that until Autopsy!!! He did have a drug problem, that I know he was trying his best to get passed, he couldn’t work because of his seizures, but couldn’t get SSI bc they just started 6 months ago. Idk what else to say except, my heart is broken into a thousand pieces, it’s hard being strong for my family, when all I want to do is just cry!!! I’ve always been good at staying strong when I need to, but idk if I can, I know my husband will be there for me to cry on, I know I don’t have to be strong in front of him, but I really don’t want to cry, I don’t want to face this, I don’t want this to be true. I know it’s true and it’s hitting me harder today than yesterday. This sucks. He was just so young. I had a dream the a couple nights before about this happening but in my dream when my mom called I couldn’t hear what name she was saying. And then we (my husband and I) were leaving and I was crying asking him why and I woke up. I told my husband I had a horrible dream, it felt so real, like it’s a premonition. Yesterday at 4:15pm I get a call it’s my mom she said My cousins name (which I’m not posting) was found dead just a minute ago, I didn’t think I heard her correctly and i said what who, say that again, she said it again, I told her I have to go. I was in a daze, I hung up told my husband, and hit the floor, then I called his brother After I got my bearings back and he told me he needed me to get there and get there now, my husband said let’s take my truck, you’re r not going alone, and you’re not driving, I get there and it’s all dejavu I dreamed all this. But I get there and the police are investigating, I hug my family, they all tell me what’s going on, I get to his brother who hugs me so hard I can’t breathe and he said I didn’t know if you’d come bc I know you hate this, and I said I told you since you were little if you need me call me I’ll come running, you needed me I came running, he hugged me more and harder until i couldn’t breathe, and then the brought his brother out I to,d him to walk away he didn’t need to witness this, he did, before I got there to stop him he already walked I to to see his brother dead on the floor from what appears to be a seizure, and flipped out, his girlfriend couldn’t stop him he’ll the police couldn’t. We just lost his grandpa in May, now this. Also I’m TTC but feel so guilty, idk I’m ovulating like any day now and idk if I should try. I’m lost, scared and confused. My mind is mush!!! Sorry so long. Just have a lot in my mind I needed to get off thanks if you’ve read this far, and sorry it’s so jumbled, just putting all this as it comes to mind down.