Sorry for the rant...

I am seriously losing my strength when it comes to ttc. Every month I think I’m doing everything I’m supposed to and I foolishly get my hopes up thinking maybe this time it worked- maybe we managed to create a wonderful human life inside of me made up of the two of us... and each month I get let down and it’s even more devastating than the previous month. I see all of these people get their bfps and I am so happy for them... and then my mind immediately goes to when will it be me? I know that’s sounds horrible- but it’s the truth. I am happy for them but I also envy them.

I really thought this month would be it- I had thought that for our 2 year wedding anniversary on the 17th I would be able to give him the news that we did it- but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I take test after test and it’s always the same- negative. I’m 9dpo and I know that it’s incredibly early for a positive to show but at the same time millions of other people get their faint line and sometimes a blazing positive as early as 7dpo. my hormones are raging... I’m beyond irritable and emotional and I know that the witch will show like she always does.

I was once told that since it hasn’t happened yet that I’m just not meant to be a mom and I’m starting to believe it. I pray every day that it will happen and I pray for all of those that struggle with the same issues. I don’t ever want anyone to feel the way I do in my heart.