Im so jealous!

I just need to vent. I try not to be jealous. I really do but its so hard. Especially now that my sister is pregnant again. She just had a baby in march and now she is having her 3rd and is alreafy like 12 weeks. I get so jealous of friends and family when they announce their pregnancies. Especially when they werent planned or were "an accident". Its frustrating because its like this is something i want and i am trying sooo hard to get to it. But for some reason other people it just seems to happen... I guess the only thing i can be thankful for is when i do get it i will cherrish it a billion times more because of the struggle i went through to get there. But still it is so hard to sit back and watch all my friends and family just have it happen and im sitting on over a year of trying and nothing to count for but a chemical pregnancy and about a billion negative tests and countless months of getting the dreaded arrival of my bloody aunt and tears and pain watching all my hard work wash out of me every month. And getting up the courage to try again and then having the courage to take a test when i know im going to see another dreaded negative. I cant wait to have thode 2 lines pop up or the words "pregnant" pop up. I cant wait to see my baby for the first time or hear their heartbeat. I cant wait to feel them kick and feel the life i create move inside of me. I cant wait for all the ridiculous good or bad symptoms it would give me. I cant wait to go through a trumendous amount of pain and agony for somone to bring them into this world. I cant wait to hold them afterwards. I cant wait for all the timws they keep me awake all night for months on end. I cant wait for people to look at my belly and admire me for the life i am creating. I cant wait to meet the most important person in my life. But i get up the courage every day to try. I wait for you. And i will until the time is right. Its agonizing. But i cannot wait for you to get here... I would wait my whole life.. Anf it feels like ive already waited an eternity... Please....