Just venting..I guess

Well another fuckin month down. I really thought this would of been our month. I was so hopeful. I’m beyond tired. I’m so sick and tired of waiting for a blessing that won’t happen. The sadness and hatred for my self is so unbearable. I’m so tired of watching every one else’s life move on while I stand still trying to make something happen that doesn’t seem to be meant to be. I’m fucking tired of tracking and of peeing on a stick. To have my hopes shattered from a month long of just scheduling sex, tracking ovulation, symptom spotting. Then still having to do the shit all over again the next month..I’m doing nothing but waisting my life away. When I first started trying, I was young and excited but now Ive gotten worse older and let me self go so bad I don’t even want to look at my self, I hate the thought of seeing people because their lives have moved on and mine has stayed that same. And don’t pull this bull shit on me about relaxing, it’ll happen. If you say that you obviously have not tried for countless YEARS..not even just one or two..a number of years. I’m so fuckin sick and tired. This is a nightmare I can’t wake up from