⚠️Warning Some TMI stuff⚠️

So, I just had an emotional breakdown that I feel a lot of women don’t talk about or maybe I’m the only one this happens to, probably not because almost every woman becomes hormonal.

Anyways, I’m the last one to like to talk about this but I feel like no one else will get it except maybe someone on here. A little back story about me, I’m 20 years old almost 21, I have been trying to conceive for 10 months now with my amazing and supportive husband, my family has a history of PCOS (my aunt & grandmother), Cervical Cancer (great-grandmother) , and Endometriosis (Mother). Most the women in my family end up having to have a Hysterectomy in their 30s. I have not been diagnosed with any of them. But I do have AWFUL periods. My cramps are absolutely terrible to the point where I feel like I need to go to the hospital, I feel like I’m dying on the inside, and yes I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true. I bleed pretty heavily for about 5-10 days. And for the last 11 months NONE of my periods have been regular, they’re ALWAYS late.

I’ve been trying for 10 months and I know that might not sound long for you and it’s probably less than most women on here and yes I do know I am young and still have time. But I also might not cause ALL the women in my family had all their kids by the age 22. To kind of sum it up my birth mother had all 5 of her kids by the time she was 21 and after that she had two miscarriages one when she was 23 and again at 30. My birth mother did not raise me, I only lived with her until I was about 7 years old. My grandmother raised me, but unfortunately she passed in 2015. Which completely shattered me, but I have mostly gotten better at knowing she’s in a better place and she’s happy. But that doesn’t stop me from missing her like crazy. I know this is a lot of information but I’m just trying to explain why I had my emotional breakdown and everything I was thinking about before I had it.

So, I had my breakdown around 4:30 am this morning after watching these really cute baby announcements to grandparents. All I could think about is I wish I could do that with my grandmother, once that thought crossed my mind the tears just started falling. I tried to stop them but I failed. Then, I started thinking that maybe I will never get pregnant and maybe I’m just not meant to be a mom. Even though my passion is children, I LOVE children, like I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. I have taken care of countless children, I’ve babysat for family and family friends, I’ve tutored, and I basically raised my siblings. I love it. And everyone’s like stay young and enjoy your 20s and I don’t want that. I want to settle down and start my family I’m ready for that part.

Basically, this all made me cry for about an hour. About 30 minutes into crying I had to wake my husband up to hold me so I could calm down some. It’s just a lot. All these emotions and thoughts and I know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts of negativity. If so, I’m sorry if I brought them to you...I just needed somewhere to vent and hopefully get some type of word of encouragement. Has anyone been TTC for about 10 months? Anyone here TTC and is 20? Anybody else have a family history of different medical problems that could and do cause infertility? Can anyone relate to this?

Also, does anyone need a cycle buddy/TTC support buddy? Cause I know I could use one.

In advance:

Thank you for anyone that read to this far and for anyone who may leave positive word of advice and comments. 💖 Baby dust to all! I pray you all get your little miracles soon! 🤰