“You are lucky you don’t have kids”

Followed by the “dont have kids”

And I got it at first from the pregnant moms

Because with my first / longest pregnancy the sickness was terrible, although I had felt lucky the entire time.

I got the “i wish I was you so I could drink”

I got the “ I wish I was you so I could smoke”

And then I got the joke when being told about how “I’m lucky I don’t have to go through giving birth”

Because I watched it and yeah that sucked

I got the “you are too young to have kids” followed along with the “you don’t want kids anyways”

All by people who know about at least one of my miscarriages.

And for the sake of sanity

To abandon the slight chance of an argument

I don’t say anything

But I wonder what would happen if I really asked them if they really wished they were me in the scenario,

Where I own my own house, have thousands saved up, have a good job along with job opportunities so if the day does come I would be able to afford more, have had for we know of 3 pregnancies all ending in miscarriages and chemicals, having no success for about 7 months of trying , having friends post looking for ‘real friends’ but when asked what you are to them they clarify by saying ‘‘they need mommy friends’, being told that ‘they don’t want advice from someone that has had only a few successful pregnancies” and then remembering who you are and going ‘but you are the exception’. ,

Do they really wish to be someone who has all their ducks in the right place but two bodies that are having trouble

Who gets told by everyone who had babies at odd times in their lives that I am lucky for not having something that I have prayed for endlessly and mourn everyday

It would be different if it were something that I did not want so bad

It would be different if it weren’t close friends

It would be different if it were only once in a while

It would be different if I didn’t feel so secluded

It would be different if they did not know

And I thank God that they are naive

Because someone who has struggled would not be so harsh and I thank God that He spared them and their hearts

I just pray that this could be my month

And that I grow stronger because of this

And that my heart does not ache with the next pregnancy test that comes up positive