I celebrated too soon...(long but worth the read)

Hey new post party mommas, here's a story in case you needed a good laugh...

I'm a ftm with a baby girl, she's 2 weeks and some change now, but we'll back it up to the beginning. Now, of course, labor and delivery was an insane thing to go through; but being my first kid, it was fairly easy compared to most ftms. My water broke at 6pm, and contractions started right away. I planned to go all natural, but I wasn't getting a break and my heart rate wouldn't go down, so I got the epidural. I'm glad I did because I didn't even get a chance to nap or relax, I fully progressed by 11:30pm. Baby had a hard time moving down, but finally arrived earthside at 1:53am healthy as can be! I was going slow and stretching perfectly the whole way, right up until the end. Once she crowned, she came out before I even had a chance to push, so I got a second degree tear. I was disappointed because I worked so hard doing kegels and perineal massage and squats and so on, but I was just happy to have her in my arms, even if it meant a longer recovery for me. So fast forward to the second night of being a mom, I realize this baby has some LUNGS and she is as impatient as her father...she gets so so mad. I felt terrible that my little girl was having a hard time adjusting to life on the outside. I knew I had a long road ahead of me.

When we got home I was a wreck. An absolute wreck. I live in the mountains and its dry as hell, which caused her more problems. The first two nights home were miserable, I had basically no sleep. Poor girl was dry and mucusy, gassy, cold, tired, and begging for my milk to come in. My SO doesnt help much at night because were ebf, and at that point he was still new to this life and wasnt adjusting well to say the least, so I was on my own pretty much. I discovered she hates being swaddled, she hates her bassinet, and she gets hangry before she fully wakes up. So night 4 comes around (night 3 at home) and I'm determined. Warm jammies no swaddle, caved with our cosleeper (I know I know, but you'll do anything to get baby to sleep), and shove a boob in her mouth before she gets mad. And it was WORKING. I was so proud. So so happy. She wasn't screaming even half as much. I went to change her diaper and she didn't yell, at this point I'm walking on a cloud feeling like a CHAMP. I thought to myself "Hell yeah, I can do this mom thing finally!" while getting her new diaper...

When suddenly....

The 4 days of built up laxative hit me like a ton of bricks..

Yup.

I tried to get the diaper on as fast as possible, but it was too late.

I was on top of the world, then I shit my pants.

I. Shit. My. Pants.

I busted through the bedroom door and woke up my man "PLEASE WATCH HER I'M LITERALLY SHITTING MYSELF AS WE SPEAK" he sat up so confused and I dont think he heard me right but I was running to the bathroom already so he was just holding the baby in confusion.

Thank god I was still in the mesh underwear/pads the size of antarctica situation. And thank god for that peri bottle, baby wipes, witch hazel pads, and numbing spray. I had been so scared of the first post party poop but I didn't even have time to prepare for it...throughout the rest of the night, the baby did so much better, but my ass had other plans for me. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Its been 2 weeks now and things are much better but oh boy are those first days a doozy...