Hi, this is not a call for compliments or anything, but for some real advice!

My identity is my hair. It's 40 inches long. I am very proud of it, but in the way a collector is proud of her collection. I've only cut it once in my life. To me, it is my main beauty feature. My skin is always broken out and I have to wear makeup so it's nice to have this hair as backup beauty.

But I am so fed up with it. It's too much, I can never wear it out because it's so hot, heavy, and it causes even more breakouts. So you know what I do with this beautiful hair? I tie it back.

This is how I've looked for the last 4.5 years every day.

On humid days I look like a wilted Doc from back to the future, a tattered dandilion. On most days I look like guy with a bad flat haircut and way too much forehead. I only take my hair out for speical occasions, like my wedding.

I don't like how I look with my braid or ponytail, even when I try to look pretty.

But I love how it looks out. And I'm scared to make a change!!! Most of all, I used to wear it out most of the time before 2014, when it was a whopping 6 inches shorter. Here's how it looked in 2013

Compared to 2018

The length now is remarkable. I get compliments by everyone when I do wear it out. I never have to do anything to it to make it pretty long. When I go swimming I get called a mermaid. Little girls in the grocery store have called me a princess. But back then it was really meh... but at least I wore it out.

I don't know what to do. Should I cut it in hopes that I'll actually like it? I feel like a rotting dandilion head 99% of the time and a goddess the other 1% of the time. But that 1% it's all over the place - in my mouth, armpits, tangled everywhere, soooo hot and heavy, and usually gives me an extra breakout even if it's clean. It may have had more body back when it was shorter as well. I also have a lot of neck headaches and I'm wondering if it has something to do with the weight of my hair.

Now the obvious would be to cut it down, but back when I was a teenager and I wore it out I also cared a lot more about style, I wore uncomfortable cute clothes to accentuate my leanness, spent forever on my makeup, and even worry jewelry. Now I won't buy an article of clothing unless it's like, pajama quality comfortable. Will I just put my hair up anyway for daily convenience?? What's the use then?

Also, I've become a lot more self conscious of myself since getting pregnant. I'm only 13 weeks but I'm bloated as hell and feel fat (not really fat, have not gained weight), I look tired all the time and will continue to for a few years I'm sure, I spent more time trying to sleep in and cut corners on makeup time in the morning, and acne is at an all time high - I feel like I have a beard of scabs. On top of that, my tonsils are extra swollen and I have at least 3 tonsil stones at any time, so hello constant bad breath that no amount of mouthwash and brushing can solve. I feel disgusting, but is this a phase? Will I cut my hair and then regret it? Or feel even uglier?

I'm at a loss and I need suggestions or similar experiences. This is a long post but I seriously hate how I look and want to make a change SOMEWHERE