My husband blames me.

I was raped by a friend that turned into a FWB. It went from my FWB doing things like refusing to wear condoms, to not stopping when I asked, to pinning me down and forcing himself on me even when I begged him to stop. The final time he did it, I was at his house and he was upset that we only had sex when I wanted to. He dragged me to his room and kept telling kissing and touching etc even though I told him I didn’t want to do it. It led to him raping me and I felt so used and horrible.

I initially told my husband about the first time it happened but I was so embarrassed that it happened a second time that I didn’t tell him about it until recently. In recent arguments or discussions my husband has told me he thinks there is more to the story since I didn’t initially share. He asked me if there’s anything I could’ve done different to avoid it. He has asked me this multiple times in different discussions. He places the blame on me.

I’m starting to feel like it was my fault. I’ve only shared what happened with him and my best friend and it makes me wish I never told. It’s caused a lot of PTSD with me crying during sex or freaking out. I also avoid being touched and kissed because I hate the feeling. It came up again today and he basically asked how I could’ve avoided it. It makes me feel horrible. I really wish I never shared. I told him he should get educated on rape sensitivity because what he’s doing is wrong and only going to make it worse. Just had to vent, feeling very depressed at the moment 😞.