This might end up long but I have trouble talking about it to anyone face to face and need help. I never thought about this until I remembered it a few years ago and now it tears me apart. I feel like I was 5 or 6 but knowing what house it was in I would've had to be at least 5th grade.

Long story short...I remember playing with my uncle (hes like 10-15 older than me) and him laying in one of those kid tunnels. I dont know why but I was laying on top of him and I remember my face laying on his pants and him being hard. I remember laughing and saying I know what that is and I have no idea why I said that but I remember him laughing and me laying back down and then it's just dark horrible feelings I cant remember anything after but just dark sad bad feelings.

This memory has tormented me for the last few years to the point I really struggle to have a normal sexual relationship with my husband. Hes very understanding when I tell him I am feeling wrong but I hate feeling the way I do every time we get intimate. Rarely I will feel normal and be ok but most of the time he'll touch me or kiss me and suddenly I'm panicking.

I just have no idea what to do I cant avoid my uncle because my moms large family only gets together once a year and I love seeing everyone else but I feel jumpy and nervous when we go see them. And I hate that my husband had to deal with me being the way I am.

I dont even know if remembering more would help me or hurt me. No one knows about this in my family except my sister who I opened up to....