it's hard to let go.....

it's hard to let go on the past... its hard for me to forgive the person .... that sexual abuse me when i was in 5 th grade . i had one cousin to come and visit us and he was 17 and i was in 5th grade at that time and he would alway touch me sexually from day and night and he would finger me and at that time i didnt know what was happening and i was afraid to tell someone about it but i though it would stop but it still kept going and i feel like i had no control or speak my mind until i went to therapist for not having a good relationship with my mom at all and one day my therapist asked me what else was going on and i bursted into tears and i told them i tried telling my family what my cousin been doing but no one didn't believe that hurt me the most. until i told my therapist about it and she called my mom to the room and explain to her what was going on and my mom finally believed it and my therapist told her you have three choices is either get him out of the house or go to court have him locked up or move to a new house and that day everyone was fight and they still didnt believe me and it still heart me until they called him and asked him if it was true and he admitted it that he did it and i felt relief but its been over 10 years and it still haunt me every time if i go to the same house when that happen to me and i told my husband about my past and one day he saw him and he wanted to beat the shit out of him and i didnt let it happen because cause a fight with my family and that still hurts me not letting my husband to do that out of anger and i tell myself why i didnt let it happened he was right there........... but i still can't get over it even i am 21 years old and i developed ptsd and anxiety after the incident and its hard to control it and it get worst when i get it at home more often and at work and everyone says to forget the past and go forward with the future but it hard to forget the past when its stuck with you .... so i try so hard to forget it but i can't....... i just can't........ but sorry for long post but had to say something about whats hurting me .....