Just broke up :/ UPDATE!!!!

I’ve been dating my bf for almost 3 years. We work together he’s turning 36 next week and I am 32. We just got back from California a week ago and had a great vacation. This past weekend he had two days to himself. You know a guys night and then just we ended up not hanging out the next night. That was Friday and Saturday. Sunday I don’t hear from him until 3pm the next day. Which is unusual because we always say good morning and what not. He comes over later that night and is acting his normal self. Sits on the couch and says he doesn’t think he wants to be in a relationship anymore. That it’s not that he doesn’t want to marry me but he doesn’t feel the need/want too and his time is ticking. After I of course get upset he comes over and apologizes trying to take back what he said. The next say at work we took a walk together to talk. He said he’s very upset but he thinks it’s best. But then on the walk back I was like so we are broken up? And he’s like no I guess we are together. (???). Now it’s Tuesday he’s been distant and I know shame on me but I have caught him on a dating app once before so I go on and boom there he is ! Even online as he wasn’t responding. He calls me and I play stupid but made a comment about him being distant and prob on a dating site and he’s like “well you know it all then”

We broke up but he kept apologizing and said he feels terrible. I feel terrible. I can’t believe he lied to me and was on a dating site. But most of all I thought he was the love of my life and I thought he was the one. I’m devastated.

We had so many family events these coming weekends and I don’t even want my family knowing. I’m embarrassed :/

I don’t know what to do

Sorry I just needed to vent. And now I have to go to work tomorrow and possibly see him.

UPDATE!!!

2 days ago I found out I was pregnant. I asked him to come over and talk. He came over and I told him. Then he told me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. That he doesn’t want to talk to me and he never liked me that he just didn’t have the balls to tell me. He also said he never wanted to marry me. I’m literally heart broken. But I’m def keeping the baby. We work together too so he will eventually see my stomach when I start to show. I’m scared to tell my family bc they will black sheep him. Do you think he is just running scared? Or you think he’s gone forever?