I’m having a really hard time remaining clean these past couple of weeks. Addiction destroyed my life and in the past 7 months I’ve been fixing it little by little. Now I’ve got way too much to lose. I don’t want to risk it, but there’s that part of me that’s still 100% addicted and wants it more than ever before.

I go to counseling and group therapy every week. Counseling helps but not much. I told my counselor I need help desperately because I feel like I’m going to relapse real soon and I’m just so scared. I’m sobbing as I’m writing this.

It takes a lot for me to admit and accept that I’m still a RECOVERING addict and there’s that damned part of me that wants the drug all the time. Some people tell me “what how come after 7 MONTHS CLEAN how can you crave the drug so much?” And I swear if only I could show people how strong addiction is! If only I could literally open my body up and let them in so they’ll see how strong and persistent the urge is.

The “friend” of mine that introduced me to this damn drug and supplied me with it for several months, is finally out of probation. Which means, this person will be going back to the junky life. And they want to take me with them. And as messed up as it sounds, I can’t say no. Can’t say yes either because I’m too scared of the drug it’s just way too powerful and takes control over me so I’m scared. I can’t say no because part of me wants that junky life back. Part of me needs use so badly. But I don’t want to. I want to remain clean. God I want to stay clean I need to. Please please pray for me. I need all the support I can get. 😭😭😭😭