Want someone to talk to (Don’t Look unless it wont trigger you)

I was cutting for 2 years, I stopped after I marked up one of my arms and I was clean for 7 months. I cut my chest in August and yesterday and today I had a complete composure meltdown and cut my leg again. All I wanted to feel was pain because I feel like I did things wrong and I had to be punished for it. Does anyone else feel that way when they do something wrong? I feel that way too much and I am depressed and I have so much tress. Please help, ive tried everything to substitute it and nothing works. I just want someone to talk to, someone to help me figure out what I’m feeling.