Nervous - Shy

HELP - I get so shy and nervous every time I see him. I think it’s because he’s 30 and I’m 19 and he’s very experienced and I’m no where near that and he kinda knows that I’m far from his experience level and he’s more knowledgeable than me. I get so shy and nervous and I don’t know how to tell him why I act so weird around him. I never see him during the day I always see him at night because of his work schedule. We never had sex either we’ve only kissed a few times and that it. Only cuddle in bed ha. Anyways HELP 😂😅 also he’s a sex addict .. and I’m so surprised he’s hanged onto me for so long Bc we haven’t had sex let alone touching anything or oral. Strictly cuddling. He does love cuddling intertwined. And one of his kinks is he loves having his hair pulled. 🧐 makes sense why he keeps it kinda long. But I get SO SO SO SO NERVOUS. Idk if it’s bc I’m insecure AS FUCK and just think every guy is gonna judge me or what. Maybe it’s bc I have abandonment issues from my younger life and I have an avoidment attachment issues too.. :/ all from abandonment from my parents as kid. I’m totally fine if we did have sex but idk how it would go bc I’m so nervous and insecure and ugh. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so scared of life and things? 😭 a part of me knows he cares for me but a part of me wants to believe he’s judging me. But maybe he’s not? Then also a part of me also knows this will only go on for so long till he cuts the ties with me if this ball doesn’t get kicked and we actually make a progress on communication and Intimacy. How do I become more intimate.. 😐😭