I think my mom scarred me for life ...

So ... once in a while I remember back to when I was about 12 and my 3 younger siblings must’ve been ages 10, 7, and another one about 2 years old .

The whole day had been a regular day for me until the end of school when I received a call from my mom I still remember picking up and her saying “ when are you coming home ... please hurry my head hurts “ I was really worried and got anxiety bc she called me crying . And so I rushed home I didn’t even catch the bus like i normally would I just ran home as soon as I got out of school .

At this time my dad wasn’t in California he was actually in Washington so it was just me, my mom , and my siblings at home .

When I walked in I saw my brothers alone in the living room unattended ... Then i walked in the room and my mom was laying on the bed crying with her hair supper messy wetness around her mouth ... I got closer to her and she reeked like alcohol . ( I had never seen her even take a sip of alcohol before in my life ) c

She kept on crying holding on to me telling me her head was hurting and then she felt nauseous so she asked me to help her up so she can go throw up in the bathroom but she ended up falling because I wasn’t strong enough to support her and so I brought her something to throw up in and held her hair back while she did her thing .

Still in the floor crying holding on to my feet she told me “ call your dad right not tell him to come back !” And so I called him and told him I needed help he sounded worried but he obviously couldn’t do anything then bc he was in Washington and so he told me to call my aunt ... so I did but she never picked up . I felt as if I was trapped in a dark box all alone and helpless .

While this was happening my brothers were telling me they were dying of hunger and so I went to the kitchen ... And to my surprise there was a bottle of tequila on the kitchen table almost all empty . All I thought about was how my brothers easily could’ve drank that ... so I dumped the rest in the sink .

Even thought I didn’t know how to cook .. I was not going to let my brothers starve so I looked around the kitchen to see what I can make . Luckily there were instant noddles and so I ended up making three in the microwave .. I did my best .. okay .

I don’t really remember how that day ended or what happen the day after all I know is that it was a nightmare for me and I was scared and I wanted to cry in a corner but I knew I was responsible for my brothers and at that time my mom so there was no way I was going to do that .

I’m so sorry I wrote so much but I never talk about this and I feel like I really needed to .