I feel like such a failure...

To make a very long story short, my ex/baby dad and i split up when i was about 5 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I packed me and our 2 year olds stuff up and went back to my mothers house, i knew it was the best thing for my son and this new baby. He has a history of lying and cheating and he was acting VERY distant and fishy, i knew he was up to something. I’ve known him and dealt with this off and on for 5 years. I’ve had enough and I needed to do what’s best for my babies.

My mom agreed to let me live back with her until after i have the baby and get back on my feet. My ex hasn’t had any contact with me since i left, so I’m doing this completely alone. Such a shame, but any “father” who could go from living with his child to not seeing or talking to him for 9 months, is sickening.

Anyways, i have a little sister. She’s 12, but acts like she’s 18. We were fine when i moved back home, but lately she’s been acting out so bad. She’s SO disrespectful to our mother, and is constantly screaming and yelling and slamming doors. My mom will tell her to do something and she’ll be like “no I’m not doing that”. I’ve sat her down SO many times and explained how my son is at the age where hes learning from everything he sees. Him seeing her talk to our mom the way she does and be disrespectful and yelling etc. shows him that’s okay. And I’ll be damned if he’s going to act that way, hell he punished real quick and he’s not going to understand why he got in trouble for it when his aunt does it all the time. I told her how she needs to be a good role model for him and how i should be able to say “wow my sister is such a great aunt, I’m so lucky my child has a good role model” but instead, i honestly don’t even want him around her. She also constantly does things with him i tell her no about, or will go against what i say. Like today; he was eating lunch and she goes “do you wanna go on the trampoline when your done eating?” I said “he’s going down for his nap when he’s done.” And she rolls her eyes and goes “____ do you wanna go on the trampoline?” And of course I flipped on her bc she does this shit all the time and i can’t take it anymore. I keep telling her if she keeps acting the way she does, I’ll end up moving out and distancing myself and my kids from her bc she’s toxic to us all. I’ve also been telling her how i could literally go into labor at any time now and if this is how she’s going to treat me and be in front of my son, I’m going to tell the hospital i don’t want any children visitors besides my son when i have this baby. She either says i don’t care, or she’s going to come anyway. I tell her they won’t allow her to even if our mom says it’s okay and she thinks she knows it all and says “yeah they will your dumb.” Ok. 9/10 i try to just keep my mouth shut and not speak to her or entertain her bullshit. But being so irritable at 37 weeks pregnant, i can’t help it sometimes. My mom tries to talk to her and punish her, but it does nothing. Or she’ll be good for a few days and then be right back at it. Her dad isn’t really involved, so that’s not really an option.

My job has cut hours down the last few weeks and me being so far into my pregnancy, didn’t go and look for a second job because I’m only going to be working for about 2 more weeks. So me just packing up and moving out isn’t really an option right now, bc I’m going to be out of work for a few weeks and kids/babies aren’t cheap, so i need to use what I’m making/have for bills and the kids. I’m so stressed out and just want to curl in a ball and cry. I feel like such a bad mom. I’m so stuck right now and feel like nothing but bad is coming my way. I just need to find a way to get out of here ASAP....

*not asking for advice, just needed to rant and get this off my chest.*