Abuse

This is really just me venting. A lot of crap in my life is slowly... very slowly, unraveling. So over the course of the past couple months my SO has been temperamental. He’s shown signs in the past but it’s just gotten worse.

Recently my SO was on a special diet and blamed the moodiness and mean temper on lack of calories. I did not accept that excuse for the way I was treated. It hurt me deeply. Things that were said to me AND our child (who is only 2). And also abused our dogs. I didn’t tell anyone about it because it scared the shit out of me. Especially during this diet shit, who knows what he’d be capable of.

Well now my SO is able to eat normal calories again and ya know, has been extremely nice to me. And acting “normal” again. He went out with my mom the other day with my daughter while I was at work. Seemed like they were having a good time all day.

I was texting my mom and she was being unusually short, and I could tell something was off. I asked her if she was mad or something. She replied, “no not mad. Just concerned”. I asked for further explanation but she said she’d talk to me later.

So I had a million things running through my mind. But I just knew it was something he either said or did but didn’t think it’d be this.

Later on that evening she FINALLY told me what as concerning her. she told me when they got back to our house, they found one of our daughters dolls chewed up by one of the dogs. I don’t know all the details but considering I’ve witnessed this myself, I know exactly what happened. But my mom said he grabbed the dogs because of that, and in her wording called it abuse. So I definitely know what happened. No matter who he does it in front of, alone or not alone it’s not okay. EVER.

But he did this IN FRONT of my mom AND daughter.

The other week he did this I told him to not do that ever again and especially in front of our 2 YEAR OLD. Makes me sick to my stomach this happened again.

He’s never touched me or my daughter but I know animal abuse can be the start of other abuse.

I hate this happened but at least I know people won’t know I’m lying. He can act so nice towards people (he’s very reserved though and hates small talk).

But he gets in moods a lot.

I know I’ll get a lot of “leave” “you need to leave him”.

A BIG part of me wants to for so many reasons. But I also don’t have a stable job at the moment, I’ve been trying to get back into some schooling but he’s not helpful with helping me get back into it. (I’m mostly home with our daughter bc you know child care costs am arm and a leg).

If I left I would have literally nothing.

My car is partly under his name since I didn’t have a lot of credit when I unexpectedly got into an accident. I’m under his insurance obviously. We don’t share a bank account because he said he doesn’t want to.

Maybe all of that would be easier for me to get away. But I’d be starting from ground zero (I know my parents would help but good god I’m tired of feeling like a burden).

I’ve confided in a few people with a little bit of my situation and they don’t get that I can’t just leave. I can’t leave with nothing when I have another life to take care of.