That’s me

I did not have the reaction that I always wanted to this positive test

What I felt was shock and fear, worry and panic.

I did not have the reaction I always thought I would have to this little bean

What I felt was curiosity and fear that I might miscarry.

I have wanted a baby all my life. But this was not the best timing for it to happen. I am happy. But that happiness is not as much as I expected. I was told it would be very hard for me to get pregnant. I wanted to cry with joy. I’m scared. I know I will love this child with all I’ve got and more but I’m terrified. I’m broke and pregnant. I think I’m slowly coming to terms that I’m actually pregnant. Sometimes I catch myself smiling about it. I think I might be a bit depressed. I thought if I typed this out I would feel better. And you know what I do. I think I was scared of feeling this way in general. All I’ve wanted was to see two lines on the darn test

To me this is beautiful.

I think I’m still just in shock honestly. It’ll sink in some time won’t it?