How can he show me he believes me?

Question

So, this is a crazy story. I will be short. 
When I was 15, I was molested by my husbands best friend. (Idk if it’s considered molestation.. he was trying to force it but it didn’t happen) 
Anyways, I didn’t tell him until 2 years later. He didn’t believe me. Then he came back and said he did, and he was sorry. We got married shortly after. For the next year, I thought he believed me until I heard him on the phone with his mom and he told her. She LAUGHED and said it was a lie, he said “yeah I know” I never told him I heard that. Another year past and we got into a fight and he goes over to this guys house for 6 fucking hours and hangs out. When he came back, we talked and he said he confronted him about it and could tell he was lying. He said he was in denial for so long because that’s his best friend and he just needed to see for himself. We went to marriage counseling and he apologized and all that. 
A few years later passed. We just had our third child and a few weeks ago we ran into this guys brother who told my husband to stop by and hang out with all of them sometime. We talked and my husband was sad. He said he won’t talk to him because of what happened but he’s sad because that used to be his family, like his brother. He then told me that night when he confronted him he couldn’t tell he was lying.. 
Now he keeps saying he could and he doesn’t remember saying that. He says he loves me and will never talk to him again, will never hurt me again, etc. but yet he keeps saying that he never said that.. but he did! 
The reason I’m still with him is because we were so young when all this happened. He was only 18 when he found out the guy he’s known since he was a kid did this. Of course he didn’t believe me. He says he will do anything i need for him to show me that he believes me. But is there really anything he can do? I keep thinking about when he said he couldn’t tell he was lying and he swears he didn’t say it. He just says “I’m telling you now. I believe you” he told me he would confront him if he has to (obviously I don’t want that) but he would have to get drunk first because he’s scared. 
Besides this problem, he’s an amazing husband and father. This is literally the only problem we have. I just don’t know what to do. Part of he thinks he’s just a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve me and the other part realizes that he was just a teenager and didn’t know how to handle the situation. I am seeing a therapist now and we have started talking about ways to make our marriage work but I need some advice from strangers. I’m not in the wrong right? What can o have him do to prove himself? Or will he just do whatever I say and not actually mean it? And it’s weird that he said he would have to be drunk first, right?
He won’t get arrested even if I reported it because he was only 17. I have absolutely no proof and my husband apparently told them all I was lying so he has ALOT of people to back him up. Me on the other hand.. have no one. This was years ago.
I know I should just move on but doesn’t it matter if he believes me or not? Would you want to be married to someone who doesn’t believe you were sexually assaulted?

Answer

There’s nothing he can do to prove it to you. Honestly, he sounds confused, he doesn’t sound like an asshole. How would you feel to find out someone you knew, trusted and loved did something horrible to someone else you loved? It would be hard to reconcile it. 
I think you need to give him a break on this one, especially if he’s otherwise great in all aspects. I’m not even sure why it keeps coming up. I’d be more upset that he shared it with his mom, but really you two should move past it and stop talking about it. You can work through your part in therapy and if he’s struggling he can do the same separately from you.

Answer

He just needs to stand by you at all costs when it comes to this situation. And he needs to leave that “friend” in the past no matter wtf their relationship was.

Answer

Your husband shouldn’t be close to that “friend”  for your sake. But I don’t see why it matters if he believes you or not. It happened and I know it’s a hard situation but just leave it in the past. By bringing it up all of the time you’re just making arguments with your husband and obviously you aren’t going to get the outcome you want so you’re just hurting yourself.

Answer

Tell him to go kick that guys teeth in. That’d make me believe he’s sincere.

Answer

Its hard for him to take in when that guy was like his best friend for so long. It’s hard to accept that someone you were so close to could do something like that. But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t believe you. I think he’s just having a hard time with it. If he’s not hanging out with the guy and he doesn’t say stuff about it, I don’t see much wrong..

Answer

You guys were teenagers, and the situation wasn’t handled properly. If you were molested then the age doesn’t matter and you could have reported him. It sounds like you are pushing your guilt of not doing anything to the actions of your husband. If they are not hanging out anymore what more can you ask for? He gave up someone he grew up with and loved dearly for you. I also am not understanding the “he might have molested me” part. He just asked you to do sexual things? Attempted them? Forced or coerced you into them?

Answer

I generally think actions speak louder than words. He’s told you he believes you. He’s also told others that he doesn’t believe you. But what do his actions say? He has been with you for years. Has gone to counseling with you. Is a good husband and father. To me that would matter more than whether he “could tell that his friend lied”. 
I can’t tell if people lie because I’m horribly gullible and will believe just about anything. But if my spouse told me someone hurt him I would stand by him and do whatever he needed me to do to get past that hurt. 
It sounds like overall your husband has does that in various ways. But if there are other ways he needs to do so to help you heal, I think you need to figure that out and tell him. 
Perhaps confronting your abuser is what you need him to. If so, you need to make that clear. But you also need to be aware that doing so is likely to be uncomfortable for your husband. I ultimately think that if that’s what you need from your husband that he should do it, but it may take some time for your husband to get to where he can do that and it may take more counseling for your husband to get to that point. I don’t think that means he doesn’t believe you, just that it’s a difficult thing for him to do. But if you need him to do that i think you need to tell him.

Answer

If I were your husband, I'd confront and call the police to have dude arrested.

How can he show me he believes me?

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