What do you guys think?

Question

So my brother and his girlfriend had their baby 2 months ago. Some of you had read my updates about how she had heart surgery and some other issues. Well last weekend she had to get a tracheotomy that she will have until around 2 years old. 
I went to see the mom yesterday (who has been my best friend for 12 years) and she kept going on about how MY mom needs to stop smoking in her house and stop drinking and needs to confine their dogs to the downstairs. And how she and my brother are hosting Christmas this year and started telling me all 500 rules they were going to have about people being there for Christmas. 
I understand that she is scared of her baby getting sick. And that’s the last thing any of us want too. But can you really expect everyone to just completely change their lives to revolve around you and your baby? I don’t think it’s right of her to ask all of that and try to control my moms life. And now that she’s hosting Christmas I don’t want to go 🙃

Answer

Personally, if I host Christmas at MY house- it’s MY rules. If you can’t respect the fact that (at least for my little) there will be absolutely no smoking around my baby, it’s okay- choose not to come. I’ve already told my family they are not allowed to kiss him on or near the face. I don’t think this is being selfish, it’s thinking about the well-being of our families. 
However, my circumstances could be completely different. AND I wouldn’t volunteer to host. I would stay home and keep the germs away from my babe...which is what I plan to do!

Answer

I personally wouldn’t host Christmas if I had a baby that was that immunocompromised. I understand her having rules because something as simple as a cold could be fatal for a child like that, but she’s the one who chose to have Christmas there knowing that’s cold and flu season. Also I understand the smoking thing but seems like the others are overboard. Cigarette smoke on clothes (third hand smoke) puts babies at risk, especially sick ones. I just would say someone who smokes in their house isn’t going to be welcome around my child unless they provide an outfit that isn’t harboring carcinogens and other chemicals to keep at my house 🙃 because you obviously can’t tell someone what to do in their own home. Control what you can control. 
My nephew has cystic fibrosis and one rule that was hard for everyone in my family was that we couldn’t have real Christmas trees. My brother’s wife showed us why she said that; there’s a fungus on them that can cause an awful flare up in the lungs and hospitalizations for a CF child are already common (he goes about 6 times per year). Once it was explained why nobody had an issue. Often times people don’t understand what goes into parenting a child with special needs, so if people can’t respect the wishes/rules set forth by those parents (and probably their doctors) then they should just start removing them from the picture.

Answer

With the baby having that bad of health issues I can absolutely understand her going so overboard and hope the family can accommodate her request as best as possible. I probably would over obsess too if my child had such health issues and I'm one of those that will be passing the kid off to anyone who will hold him this Christmas.

Answer

She might want to host so she can help better control the environment for her baby. And as a host, she can make rules like no smoking in her house. But you can’t control people. Hopefully guests can accommodate her for a couple hours on Christmas, but I’d never expect people to change their lives for my baby. Sadly, that might mean those people don’t get much time with baby until she’s older or well.

Answer

Personally, I don’t even like smokers holding my babies because they end up smelling like it so while it may be unreasonable to demand that someone quit smoking or drinking, it’s entirely reasonable to me that a parent would say “if you keep doing these things, your time around my child will be limited” 🤷🏻‍♀️ smokers clothes and hair and fingers smell of smoke even when they aren’t actively smoking, I can readily see how that would be an irritant to a child with compromised breathing.
I don’t let my kids go on play dates to houses where there are firearms, either. Do people sometimes get SUPER offended when I ask and then decline an invitation? Yup! That’s a “them” problem, they’re welcome to do as they want with their own kids. We have the rules we have because I’m trying to keep my kids safe, same as everyone else. 
If you don’t want to go, I say don’t go, but I would be really careful about telling her how she ought to try and protect her daughter. Nobody cares more about that baby’s safety than her, she deserves every benefit of the doubt that she’s trying to keep her safe.  All mothers deserve that benefit. 💗

Answer

I mean babies like that are typically considered medically fragile so I would have a ton of rules too 🤷 she's just trying to protect her child.

Answer

Some of those seem reasonable but for the most part if they are hosting they should be accommodating for their guests, otherwise they may be sorely dissapointed when no-one shows up.

What do you guys think?

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