... first time?

So me and my best friend are planning on losing our virginities with each other soon. I've known him for a while and the reason we're not dating is because we don't want to end up hating each other if the relationship ends badly. but we've been talking about it. He's scared to buy condoms and I'm on birth control but I still know there's a chance that things can happen and that's just not an option.. he also apparently has had this "desire" or "fantasy" to go rough. I mean I don't mind it but if it's my first time I'm a little scared. I don't know.. I get weird with sex talk. I feel like it will be awkward the next day or... We could end up as fwb and I dont want that. Especially in a high school setting. We're both 17 right now but next month it's his birthday and that's when he wants to. I understand that like "us teens shouldn't be doing this" but we've been friends forever and we love each other in a non-romantic way. Everyone else has lost their v-card as early as 13. I know I'm still technically a minor but.. idk. Advice? The whole thing is kinda nerve-wracking. And please no judgement ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ’•