My pregnancy was no where near easy. At 9 weeks I ended up in the hospital thinking I was miscarrying...everything was fine. Then at 16 weeks I went into the bathroom to discover blood...went to the hospital, 9 hours later found out I had placenta previa. At 21 weeks my blood pressure was high and I was placed on rest. 31 weeks went back to the hospital because I had a heart episide...my heart beat was at 233 at one point. At 38 weeks they Decided to induce. The day of the induction nothing was working...then little mans heart rate would drop on and off. 24 hours later and many tears I was told I was having a c section. Little man stopped breathing in the nursery...I didn't get to meet him until 8 hours after he was born. He is thankfully healthy. At my two week check up it was discovered I had an infection. Last week they discovered a hole in my incision. On top of all of this I have a pre-teen who is going through a lot, a step daughter who is 4 whose mother is horrible and a man who is working non stop to make sure our family has everything we need.

Lately, I have been feeling like a failure. Everything I do, I feel like I am doing wrong. Little man never took to the boob, so I was just pumping. I am lucky enough if I get 2 oz a day. I lost my best friend, most of my other friends and my job in the pass 4 weeks. Tonight, I'm holed up in my bathroom on and off in tears because everywhere I turn I discover I am not doing well.