I don’t even know what to say. I’ve known him since I was 8 or so. I have liked him since I was 13. Our families have known each other since long before either of us were born.

Ifinally got a chance for us to be something more when I was 18.

since then everything was perfect except for the fact that he won’t even say that he likes me.

But I love him.

The way that we are together there is no way that it could possibly not be real. The way he treats me? It’s perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. I don’t even know what to say.

How much shit he’s put up with with me it’s amazing. I’m broken, I’m messed up, and no matter what, he’s still there.

And our families, they treat us like it’s always been this way, like we are meant to be together.

It’s amazing to see my family actually accept someone I love. it wasn’t that way before.

his family, they treat me like I’m already part of the family. I know that we are family friends, and it’s always going to be that way a bit, even if there’s nothing between us, but it’s different. It’s not like how it is with my brother or even my parents. I get invited to Internet family dollars when his dad calls he specifically makes sure to send me love.

But it’s not that. It’s him. It’s the way he looks at me. It’s how he lets me just talk when I’m upset, he just listens, he doesn’t judge, he just listens and he understands even though theres no way he possibly could.

It’s the way he acts when we have fun. When we’re just tickling each other or watching a movie. It’s the way that when we are together he’ll hardly spend a moment without at least holding my hand.

Its the way I completely broke down in front of him just crying and he didn’t push me to talk, he didn’t ask why, he didn’t ask what’s wrong he just let me cry, he just held me when. And when I was ready he just listened as i poured my heart out telling him what I could never find a way of telling anyone else. and he just held me and he let me cry for hours as a fell asleep just pulling me closer to him, holding me close.

Everything about him, everything about his personality is exactly what I want. I know he’s far from perfect but somehow he still is to me. I don’t even know how to explain it.

It’s his horrible sense of humour. It’s how he’s so much of an introvert. it’s the things he laughs at. it’s the stories he tells, like how he calls himself a drug dealer for selling cigarettes to family friends as a kid. It’s the way he writes. It’s how the one time he sent me a story that he wrote, it was just a short story but somehow it was so captivating even though it was a genre I would never read, I just don’t find interesting, but his story, it was interesting. Captivating. Its how he has no idea how he’s going to get there or anything, but he still just wants to write.

It’s his eyes, his smile, the absolutely adorable way he laughs.

Its the way we can stay up half the night talking about the most random things. it’s just everything about how we are together.

Its the way that when he leaves, he refuses to say the word goodbye. Instead, he says “I’ll see you…” then he pauses with this sad look in his eyes, and he just says “sometime…” all the while holding me tight like he doesn’t want to let me go.

It’s how last time I left when visiting him down in Christchurch, I didn’t hug him, I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t do anything except turn say goodbye, and he just stood there with this lost puppy look in his eyes. I wanted to just run back to him and just not leave.

And none of this is even mentioning the sex. Every time we are together in that way, it’s just so much better. he’s always trying to please me more, and I can tell its always the same feeling from him.

All I know is that I never want him out of my life. I want to spend my life with him. to never leave him, to love him. I can’t even imagine a future without him, and I don’t know where we go from here when he won’t even say that he has feelings for me.

Whenever I’m with him, I don’t know how I even went a second without him.

I need him in my life, and I will wait however long it takes. Even if he never feels the same. It will always be him, no one else. I love him.