I've posted about this before and got no responses for the most part which I understand as it is a rare issue but here I go again cause I have no one in the real world who understands either.

I carry hemophilia, a rare blood clotting disorder. My son's have a 50% chance of inheriting it and my daughter's have a 50% chance of being carriers like me. I'm on my third pregnancy and third boy, the first two are negative for hemophilia. I'm convinced this one will be positive - how could I beat those odds three times?! The guilt is killing me, the fear is killing me. The only other carrier I know is my grandma and obviously my experience will be different. My doctors are not knowledgeable enough to comfort me. I feel so alone in this. I'm scared to raise a baby with one of the most expensive conditions. I'm scared that these unknowing doctors will hurt my baby. I'm scared that they won't be prepared, like my last delivery, and this time it'll matter. I'm scared to see his face covered in bruises. I'm just so scared and I can't find a single experienced person to give me insight.

I don't know what to do except sit in my fear for another 18 weeks rereading the same articles over and over. I wish there was just one person who knew what this is like...