Tomorrow is my boyfriend and I’s one year anniversary. But I always joke with him that it’s four months too late bc we were exclusive way before we “made it official”. We spent four days out of town as a little get away anniversary trip and we made it back today. We had a great time. I was excited to give him his gift tomorrow and I was reveling in how much we love each other.

But tonight, we went to dinner at a pasta place. And as we were waiting for the food to come out, he asked me when I was going to get on working out and what my plan was... I will admit that I gained a bit of that happy weight over the past 16 months, about 30 pounds. And I know it’s terrible and i did mention that I want to lose those extra pounds previously. But it put me in such a bad mood. I barely wanted to eat in front of him tonight and if I wasn’t so stubborn, I would have cried. I can’t stop wondering what other thoughts he has about my weight.

I can understand a partner being encouraging to the process but weight is a sensitive topic and he knows I’m a little self conscious about how I look right now. There are better times/situations and ways of phrasing it than over our anniversary weekend right before I eat a plate of pasta and a fresh memory of how we had ice cream the night before and too many other less than healthy options over the past few days. It doesn’t help that he can eat whatever he wants and remain the same size.

I know I need to do better and I have started incorporating some (tho not much) exercise over the past couple weeks. I know I need to make sure I’m cooking healthy meals at home which I’m working on. I kept this stuff to myself bc I’m not the most comfortable talking about this topic with anyone until I get my confidence back up. He just kind of made me feel like fat shit that’s making zero progress. It’s the second comment he made just this weekend. I think it’s out of love for my health and self esteem but when I see the girls his friends date, it creeps in my mind that it’s just bc I’m too fat.

Am I being dramatic? Does it sound less harsh than I’m taking it to y’all?