Hi all. First of all a bit of back story. Over the last two years I have suffered two miscarriages and two ectopic pregnancies all at early stages. Obviously it was an awful process and highly emotional and stressful. I also suffer with generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Fortunately for me I didn't require surgery for any of the miscarriages or ectopics but were long drawn out processes each time. After the fourth bad experience I was in despair that it would ever happen for us and was about to go down the investigation route for fertility problems and a possible cause of all the losses. We didn't need this as that month I found out I was pregnant. Here we go again! Stress, worry, emotion until we found out at 6 weeks that it was miraculously in the right place and growing well. Total shocker to be honest.

So I am a primary school teacher and during the rough experiences I took some time off after each one to process and deal with it all as it was highly emotional and physically draining and I couldn't even function on a daily basis. After the fourth I was just an emotional wreck. I went back to work and it was ok I got through each day but dealt with the bitterness and anger towards everyone who had a baby or child or was pregnant! That's the point I'd reached. My three Sisters had had babies within three weeks of each other that year too and I should've had mine. It was like a constant kick in the stomach every day. It got that bad but I worked my way through it as best as I could to keep going and enjoy life as much as possible.

Anyway I've had scans every two weeks for the last two months or so and all is good baby is growing well and I'm now 11 weeks. I've been having sickness about three times a day but have managed ok throughout the school day leaving the room when I need to to throw up then carrying on. It's fairly manageable on the sickness front.

However as a teacher I'm finding work more and more stressful. The constant demands and high pressure are continuing to build and I'm feeling more and more stressed about my daily job and keeping up with the strains put on us. There are constant demands to do more and do better and I'm starting to feel myself getting more tense and stressed about it. I have always been someone who pushes themselves and a perfectionist. I hate criticism and take it hard and always feel like I have to live up to and beyond everyone's expectations. I then put the pressure on myself and that's when I struggle most with my anxiety. I'm just worried about getting so stressed that my anxiety takes over and with being pregnant and all the previous stress and emotion that brings with it isn't a great mix. I've already had panic attacks about something my head said to me which I've spoken to my union about. I'm worried about my mental health and the health of my baby basically but hate feeling weak and worry about what people think of me. I've always been the type to push myself and just get on with things and find it hard to recognise when enough is enough. I don't really know what is best to do. My boss isn't the most sympathetic as she has targets to reach and pressure on her and that is filtered down to us teachers. But I have to remember that work is just work. It's not my priority and it's not my life. My life is bigger than my job and my health and my baby's health is most important now. The first thing the midwife said to me when I met her is "I'm nervous for you"!!! Helpful! She has put me under consultant care just because of my previous losses but I'm still considered low risk. Does anyone have any advice about what to do to help? I feel really guilty about taking time off work and leaving the children and everyone else to pick up the slack. I also feel like I'm looked down on and will be thought of badly if I take time off. I have soldiered on through the sickness and haven't had a day off except for hospital appointments. Any advice would be greatly received. Thanks in advance.