My partner and I are both 19. We’ve been together for 5 years so we’re very comfortable and happy with each other.

We were using protection and I was on the mini pill (taking it by-the-book). The condom was broken and although I thought no way, I was paranoid, took a test and it was positive. My doctor suggested I read non-biased articles from the women’s hospital and watch medically informative videos on both procedures of termination so I know what decisions I face, depending on what I decide to do about it.

I’ve been chronically ill for 2 years, in and out of ICU. I didn’t even think I was fertile anymore because of the medications I was on. When my partner finally opened up and said he would want to terminate, it was not based at all on any health concerns, it was because it is inconvenient to him at this time (as I know it would be, it’s inconvenient to me as well). But I’ve always told myself I’d never terminate a pregnancy no matter what.

Now my feelings are torn because I know he doesn’t want this. My mum told me it would be wrong for me to go ahead with a pregnancy. And now I’ve never felt so torn. The videos about termination made me feel sick, not because I felt against the idea, but just because of the procedures themselves.

I morally am torn, I feel so horrible even considering termination because I’ve always been extremely maternal and I’m self-employed as a childcarer for newborns, so I see and care for babies so often. I help new mums adapt more slowly into their roles where required, and I help lighten the load of parents of multiples or who have several children under 5. But I’m also morally torn on the fact I feel like I can’t just make that decision for my partner. It is also his flesh and blood, his family and his responsibility. And I know he would feel totally powerless if I went against his feelings.

I don’t think this will go well either way in all honesty. I don’t know what to do at this point.

abortion pill

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