Terminating - cystic hygroma, hydrops, likely chromosomal abnormalities

Well. This sucks. We went for our first midwife appointment on Monday. I wanted to try to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler and she couldn’t find it. I wanted to go for an early scan anyway (often they’d just have me go at 20 weeks for anatomy scan) so she said she could try to get me in an ultrasound. I went the next day as an urgent appointment, mostly because I happened to be off from work so it was convenient. Saw a baby that looked about the right size with a great heartbeat. Problem was it also had a buildup of fluid behind the head, neck, and back called cystic hygroma. The ultrasound report also said there was suspected hydrops, which is a buildup of fluid in other parts of the body. These findings are consistent with some kind of major defect, either a trisomy, Turner syndrome, or could just be a physical defect and baby had heart failure. We went for a follow up with a maternal fetal medicine specialist and genetic counselor today (Wednesday) and they confirmed what the first ultrasound saw. We saw it. It’s obvious there was a major fluid buildup. The doctor said it was measuring 6.3mm. For reference, a nuchal translucency test measuring similar areas of buildup, 6mm is considered “very high” and only 1 in 10 babies who measure very high end up born normally. Nobody seemed optimistic whatsoever. We went ahead and got a CVS test today too. The baby has several markers for major issues. My husband and I are both 100% in agreement that we are not prepared in any way to be special needs parents, so we’re planning on terminating the pregnancy. It’s really depressing. This was a planned and wanted baby. We saw it wiggling around and that makes it so much harder.

Before anyone gives any stories of “I know someone with XYZ genetic disorder and they’re amazing or healthy or whatever,” please understand that our decision is being made based on our choices and the advice of our medical professionals. I’m sure there’s a chance this baby could be great. And that makes it so much harder. But I am not prepared to possibly parent a special needs child who in all likelihood will not be one of those special cases where everything’s fine. Sure, sometimes everything’s fine. But 90% of the time it’s not. I’m not going to wait to have a stillbirth at 21 weeks. I want my daughter to have a sibling, and I’m going to get one for her who is healthy. Those stories will inevitably make me question a decision I already feel terrible about, but it won’t CHANGE my decision, it will just make me feel more terrible.

This will be my second pregnancy loss out of three pregnancies, as my first pregnancy ended in spontaneous miscarriage. Here’s hoping for another rainbow after a second storm. 🌈

Good vibes only please. ❤️

Edit to add: thank you all for being so sweet ❤️ it’s really heartwarming and helps ease the struggle a little to feel so supported