Not ready

My doctor told me last week, I had to stop breastfeeding. He is only 8 months!!! I’m not ready for our breastfeeding journey to be over. I had to be put on a new medication, and it crosses the milk barrier. I struggled every single day, every single feeding to do what I felt was best for my baby.

Unfortunately that struggle meant my health was deteriorating. My doctor has finally had enough. My mom took me to an appointment and herd what my doctor had to say. Now my mom is also hounding me to stop breastfeeding so I can heal.

I’m in agony every time my little boy looks at me, and says “mum mum!” (His word for he wants breast milk.)

I understand, if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of him. I understand if I don’t stop being selfish and don’t take the meds I won’t see him graduate.

But I may never see that anyway!!!!!

I cherish the bond me and my baby have. The way he looks at me with pure love when he is falling asleep nursing makes my heart sing! I feel like I’m the only one who can give him this. If I don’t make it to see him graduate or get married or go to college, I feel he will atleast know 110% I gave my all to make sure he had the best from me. I gave him my all!

I’m not ready to give up...

😭