am I being to harsh?

Question

So I’m writing this text to send to my boyfriends mother and I need some opinions. When I say I don’t want her there I don’t mean when I’m giving birth I mean after he is born. She’s rubbed me so wrong the past 9 months by telling me I’m not capable of being a mother and telling me that I should get an abortion or adoption and I know she would never talk to her daughter n law (Jessie) this way because she is older than I am. (I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22 but we’ve been together for 5 years) everyone I’ve talked to has told me that it’s ultimately my decision and I’ve had some time to think about it but even after thinking about it I still really don’t want her there at all. I’ve decided that after my family and friends come and see him then i may let her come up since it is her first grandchild. And I know my boyfriend wants his parents to come. But the moment she starts acting up she will be asked to leave. What do you guys think about this text?

Answer

Just make sure your boyfriend knows about this message before you send it. Cause his mom may contact him first to complaint before she contacts you. I am saying this from experience with my husband’s sister, I confronted her via text and she contact my husband first before she wrote me back. 
Just give him a heads up.

Answer

Personally no I wouldn’t send it. Babies have a way of healing relationships. Babies being born should be a happy time for everyone. I understand she has hurt your feelings and I’m really sorry that has happened. That being said, my mom had a similar experience with her own parents when she was pregnant with me. She regrets it to this day (27 years later) for the things she said to her parents and not letting them come see her or me in the hospital. Because over time, relationships grow back together. You will be amazed how much your little Baby River will mend that relationship between you and your BF mom. You will be amazed how much your BF Mom will regret that she ever mentioned abortion or adoption because of the love she will have for River and for you giving her her first grandchild. You might never hear an apology, but I promise you will see it in her eyes when she sees you and River for the first time after he is born.

Answer

i didn't read anything harsh in your message. in fact, it's straight forward and sincere. you have the right to decide who comes and doesn't. i'm sorry she's, well... a bitch to you. 
have a safe delivery & congratulations!! 🌺

Answer

I would definitely send it. But maybe take out all of the examples and just say “because of the hurtful things you’ve said”. Then if she asks, I’d list them all out. Everything you said was direct and. It mean at all. It’s how you feel and she needs to respect that.

Answer

She’s lucky you’re even going to allow her to see him. If my mother in law ever said any of those things to me she would not be seeing my children. 
Side note, you can also tell hospital staff she isn’t allowed just in case she tries to make an appearance

Answer

I think you should send it. YOU are the one giving birth, and YOU get to choose who sees / meets your baby. If she was worried about being a grandmom, she should’ve thought about her words before she spoke them to you. I agree you should tell your boyfriend first before sending it or even send it and then tell him, but make him aware. If you’re confident in not wanting her there, send it. Don’t let anyone tell you not to, because you deserve to have the peace and quiet you need after birth.

Answer

I can already tell I’ll be in the same boat as you. My monster in law is probably different from yours but I wrote something like this after her telling me about how my pregnancy wasn’t okay and I should abort it and she FLIPPED. Praying the best for you

Answer

I think it’s fine to set boundaries, especially because this is your labor and your baby. But that text is way too long and rambling. I’d try to shorten it and be more to the point.

Answer

I say you don't have to explain yourself. She doesn't deserve to be there if that's how she felt .

Answer

I don’t think you’re being harsh at all. But I personally don’t think a text message is the best way to send this to her. If I got a message that long, I can pretty much guarantee that I wouldn’t read all of it or would just skim it. I would write it in a letter or at least an email. I do agree with making sure your bf is aware that you are doing it so you can present a united front on it instead of him being blind sighted

am I being to harsh?

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