Okay I find these stories really funny. Here’s some background: my abusive, atheist (important later), ex bf tried to cheat on me with my best friend but she though he was joking. When he asked again she was like “dude not okay.” So he finically comes around apologizing and was like “you don’t wanna have sex and I’m hella horny and I thought she was too so I figured we’d both get something off our chest” but then covered up the story saying it was his idea to break it up and shit so I forgave him. Then after stupid other shit like this I said “bye Felicia” and he told me “I took advantage of your kindness because no matter what you always forgave me!” And I laughed in his face, like yeah right buddy that’s gonna wine back. See ya in hell.

A few moths later he comes up to me asking to be my friend bc he was “a changed man”. And pulled out a cross necklace from under his shirt that was literally the size of two pizza rolls (couldn’t think of a good comparison but it was that thick and big). So yeah he told me he “found Jesus” to prove he was a “changed man”. Yeah no. Didn’t buy it and him suddenly being Catholic wasn’t going to draw me back in. That would drive me away, most Catholics are insane. So instead of tearing him apart in the middle of a classroom before the bell rang I just looked him dead in the eye and said “no.” And walked away. He stood there like a broken Sims character for two minutes and it was the funniest thing ever.

Almost an entire YEAR after I broke up with him he had another girlfriend he met online from West Virginia who according to me friend sounds like someone that is totally messing with him and cat-fishing him. And someone in my biology class slid me a piece of Candy on Halloween and said “this is from someone.” And on it was a post-it note that said “L’Orso” meaning “the bear” in French. And I almost died laughing. I gave him the nick name bear while we were dating THE YEAR BEFORE. And he wrote it IN FRENCH, HIS LEAST FAVORITE LANGUAGE. (Yes he was so insane he has a least favorite language). Two weeks later I’m still trying to decide if this is more creepy or funny.