college has made me suicidal

I'm only posting this because I have no one else to talk to, but I just started my first year of college and I have never been more depressed in my life. I have no close friends, and I'm constantly overwhelmed with schoolwork and I'm becoming increasingly insecure. My skin has gotten really bad, and my hair is falling out and I can't find a job so I'm quickly running out of money. I knew I wasn't ready to start university, but if I took a gap year I would lose my scholarship. I want to drop out, but I feel like if I'm not in college I'm not going to be able to get a job anywhere ever because I am so easily overwhelmed with simple things and I have no real skills. I want to die. But I don't want to kill myself because I don't want to put that weight on the people I care about, but I wish I would get into a horrible car accident or someone would murder me. I know those are horrible things to say bit i just need to get it off my chest. I'm so lonely and I feel so desperate for affection, but my rapidly decreasing confidence and disgusting face is making it impossible to get into a relationship. My insecurity has gotten so bad that I instantly burst into tears when I see my reflection. I know I need to go to therapy, but I can't afford it, even with health insurance. I feel completely hopeless and I don't know what to do anymore. I either continue on, completely miserable, or I find a way to die without hurting other people. Help me please.