Devastation yet again.

So last Friday I got my BFP had blood drawn on Tuesday and again on Thursday to make sure HCG levels were rising. They went from 23.5 to 21 which indicates the pregnancy will not proceed. This is my third miscarriage with us not having any children. Why do I always seem to get the shit end of the stick? Why am I not meant to be a mother when I want it soooo badly. I cannot go through this again. I'm almost 30. My clock is ticking. Ugh life sucks!!!!!!