Sorry this is long Please no negative judgement.. on him or me..

Let me start off by saying my husband is amazing and I’m more in love then I’ve ever been i love being his wife and carrying his baby.. but i feel like i found something out today that is tearing my heart in two. I’m not going to leave him I just need to find within myself how to cope with this.. so I’m here to vent ..

I was going through his text messages ... because I’m a crazy wife and his mom talks shit so i read those.. well these messages were right above his moms and i accidentally clicked on these instead of his moms.. and then it caught my attention so i kept reading further back..

this was on Halloween, we were in bed when he was text this.. he is in blue the other person is in grey..

So i immediately throw the phone at him and say what’s this... and he is on the ps4 and says i dont know so i told him to read it.. he looks at me and says you don’t want to know..

so i her up pissed off and go to bed .. he comes in and explains that after he was molested when he was little by his family (i knew this) that he was scared to talk to girls and he had sex with a guy.. I DO NOT CARE.. his past before me is whatever that’s not my business people explore and find what they like that is fine. My problem with this is i asked before who this was and he said just a friend.. then i let it go.. so when i read this i was in shock.. he didn’t tell me. I would never leave him or judge him for this.. and he knows that i don’t judge people for what they do i judge them by who they are.. and then I’m pissed because he brought up the memories! Like wtf??? Why if you were so happy even bring that up... it broke my heart. Then i kept reading and i felt as though what he was saying is flirty.. we call each other peanut head and jit and just little names flirting around to each other and he was doing the same thing.. i love my husband i will forgive him eventually but I’m just so hurt right now.. not about that it happened but the way i found out about it and him being the one to bring it up.... 😢😢😢

Also, since being pregnant my depression has come back way worse(not suicidal or self harming or anything like that just sad and want to cry and lay in bed and do nothing) so this definitely does not help.. i feel like a failure as a wife and as a mother(6 months pregnant) and just feel like everything i do is wrong .. so maybe this is my fault 😪💔💔

I’m so hurt.. how would you feel??