Anxiety anyone?!

I've had 4 kiddos all by emergency csection, my first of which was breech I walked into the hospital at 31 weeks 10cm, and his feet were in a bulge of fluid hanging out of my cervix, I was put under general anesthesia, my others were strictly due to different reasons. All my kiddos come early I struggle with preterm labor, and incompetent cervix, I take makena injection. I hit 35 weeks today, I'm in the final count down and have been on pins an needles for months now. I've had two 35 weekers, and made it to 36 weeks once. (3 of my 4 were NICU babies, 36 weeker came home with me)

Today was a whole new level of anxiety, while I've been given no reason to have fear, all my csection recoveries were pretty standard, I do have an unknown heart condition (they say possible wpw) that causes my heart rate to spike sky high and my blood pressure to plummet during surgery, they give me meds during to stabilize, with my 2nd I actually blacked out from my blood pressure/heart rate. My anxiety took me today to the thought of my kids world without me should something happen to me, and I couldnt stop crying, all I could think about was my husband and my kids without me, and I just cant stop thinking about it.

I know fear is a liar, and I know God has his plan (I pray a lot about my anxiety), but today I'm battling it worse than I ever have.

And I know this post is everywhere, and probably irrational, but I needed to get it out, I dont wanna scare my husband or plant seeds of anxiety in his head.

I am just ready to have our little one here and be home recovering, and have the surgery over with!

I should say the surgery doesn't scare me at all, and my doctors are super supportive and confident, but it's just the fear of what ifs.