The inappropriate behavior started years ago:

He cheated when we were 6 mos in as bf and gf.

In 2013 I found messages to four different woman via fb. Some were deleted but others were obvious lures.

2015 he sexted a woman and sent pictures of his penis. When I confronted him he left and went to a strip club. Later in his email I found a sent mail to a craigslist inquiry for sex saying been a late night call me with his number. That was the night he left and disappeared for 18 hours.

2015 later that year I found profiles he made on a sex site name blare with messages sent to the bot women.

2016 he went on a job where he didn’t answer and disappeared two nights during that stay in another state.

After repeated reassurances that he would always answer and never make me worry he went to a job in September 2016 in another state and four days after his arrival didn’t call back turned his phone off and missed work the next day claiming to be drunk hungover and phone died. Later I found a strange number in phone bill called and it was a stripper from a club he went to that night. She told me he told her they would go to the mall and he would take her out. He went to another strip club two weeks later during that stay in another state and again not answering all night. Came home one day to go straight to another job in Missouri where he again two times didn’t answer or call me while there missing work. He always says if he’s honest about going out with his guy friends/coworkers that I’ll trip so he lies instead because it’s easier.

It was a difficult time thereafter. I was done. In February 2017 we conceived our third child and worked through our problems. Everything was seemingly fine until February of 2018 when he got a layoff from a 6 month job and spent the night texting my mom messages trying to come on to her. I was devastated but again tried. he left three weeks later for a job and again went missing and didn’t answer after spending the day telling me how much i deserve and how sorry he was for lying and hurting me. I found a number that belonged to an escort later that week that was called the same night he went missing. I called her. She said he called and asked how much her rate was but then said she was too far and he hung up. Don’t believe that. I invaded his privacy with recorder in his truck recently and heard him tell a story about how he had sex with someone in detail and mention the name of a man he met in 2016 so I know it happened during our relationship together which is 10 years and he lies about the man mentioned and that the story was false.

Between the alcohol addiction and the many transgressions I’m debating divorce but he thinks I’m crazy and brought this in myself for prying. We have three kids and 10 years altogether. I feel he has a deviant sexual

Issue and obvious alcohol addiction. He lies about everything. He claims to have never touched another woman but I find that hard to believe. He says his story about the woman he slept with was a lie but I don’t believe him. I’m tired and I need him to be honest for the first time and stop misleading me for his own selfish purposes. We have three kids to think of first and foremost and my happiness is at stake. I have no proof of him physically cheating besides his story he told to his friend in his truck. I can’t spend the rest of my life attached to a man like this and he doesn’t want to change. Even if he does now I feel it’s from obligation not his own personal will so it’ll be a waste because it won’t stick if it’s. It his choice. . Idk why he hasn’t rid himself of the demons for himself and us seeing and knowing what they’ve done. I also feel his heart is cold and is selfish to what he wanTs. He tells his work friends all our business further humiliating me. Then says he has an image to uphold and I should hear their stories. So what if you’re not a cheater then you’re not cool? He isn’t mature and falls into the grips of life his surroundings because he isn’t a leader or original. He is apart of the flock and I am not. I love him deeply but am deeply hurt as well. There’s no telling what I do not know about and I know will never know because he will take it all to his grave. I could find him having sex with someone in our own bed and he’d swear the devil made him do it or he was drugged and thought it was me he was having sex with. No proof will make him crack. He is more worried about holding in his lies like a coward then being upfront. You might beat e wondering why I haven’t left yet but I come from a divorced family. They were both married and divorced before then after and then again. My moms fourth marriage ended in divorce and she is currently single. My dad and his fourth wife are still married. I have an issue with divorce and that’s what has made me fight so hard for so long. I think about couples who make it 50, 60 years and think they must have horror stories of their own. Nothing good comes easy right? But when it’s wrong? Is this wrong? Yes but can we make it right idk. It seems like I’m always doing all the ground work and he sits back and watches and waits for his time to go back and do what he’s always done which is nothing in regards to efforts and change but only his old ways. I feel alone in our marriage. I feel like I’ve been the only one trying. If you read this long thank you justblooking for female insights.