My first pregnancy and miscarriage

I found out very early that I was pregnant. 3 days before my missed period. We’d been trying for over a year and a half. Checked my HCG the next day, it was 8. Three days later it was 28, two days later, 98. I cannot tell you how excited we were.

Saturday I started with light brown spotting. I knew. But I hoped against hope I was wrong. I told myself it was old blood. I was fine. It was only when I wiped and not that bad. It continued that way on Sunday and when I woke up this morning. Then, an hour before my appointment with my doctor, bright red spotting. They tested my HcG and it was only 175. He wants to check it next week. He said it could go either way but I think we all know. It didn’t double like it should have. From last Wednesday at 98 til today at 175. My heart is broken. I’m still spotting red, with some heavier bleeding when sitting on the toilet.

All my dreams and hopes gone. I don’t understand. It hurts. I wish it would just turn into full fledged bleeding already so I could be done with this. I don’t want to be hopeful for next week for it to be better, the chances are so low.