Postpartum built up

Hey everyone,

So I’m finally wanting to seek help again. When I was pregnant I got really depressed (not suicidal) and went to see a therapist. It wasn’t a very good experience I left feeling worse than I did before I went. My depression and anxiety put a huge strain on my relationship and it didn’t help he barely came around. After having my son I felt better and my now ex was really changing but then he started doing everything all over. Not coming around and saying he would and just not caring. I kept brushing it off but then it got to a breaking point and we broke up when my son was 8 months old. So having a new baby and losing my almost 5 year relationship was very overwhelming. Almost 4 months later he is already talking to someone else so of course I cannot stop blaming myself for why my relationship failed and like I wasn’t good enough. I started crying in bed and not wanting to talk to people, I don’t answer family unless they call me out on it, I don’t really eat during the day, I’m up until 1/2 am and it’s all just taking a toll. I’m afraid to seek psychiatry help because of my first experience. Does anyone have any suggestions ?