I am 33 almost 34 in less than 3 months. I have never had a child of my own nor have I ever been pregnant. And I'm pretty sure without some divine intervention I probably never will. And it has gotten to a point now where I know that I am almost too old to conceive without the risk of birth defects and it kills me daily. I am Christian and I know that I am supposed to have hope that the Lord will give me my heart's desires. But I am all out of hope. I am sad every day, some days I have a hard time getting out of my bed. I would rather be dead than to feel this tremendous hole in my life. I am ready to just give up. But being a Mom is all I have ever wanted to be. I don't know how to stop thinking and obsessing over this. This thing that is so small, that other women take for granted. This thing that I have to keep watching happen for other people effortlessly. I am nothing if I am not a Mommy!!!