Don’t know how to feel.

Last night I went over to see the guy I’ve been seeing. He made cookies, we caught up it was mostly a relaxing night due to him having a game today.

After a few hours and yes sex, we were watching tv and he found out he had to play a second game so he needed to see tape for it. While I now was having to leave he asked why I had been so stressed and what was going on. I broke down and told him I was stressed since my cycle hadnt come this month and yes I was slightly stressed but jot enough for it to effect this. (I’ve been under high amounts of stress that lead to panic attacks and still get my period). The carefree attitude shifted and I said I didn’t expect anything but others had been and it was worrying me. We went over that we had been safe always using condoms and he always checks them he says. We spent the next hour and half talking trying to figure out the what ifs.

He can not have a kid, neither of us are prepared for one both of us are in college still but he definitely says he can’t have a kid he went over all the whys it would mess up his future and offered everything to me to work with him and if it comes to be to handle it.

I know emotionally I could never do it, if given the choice alone. The idea made me sick but I also know I can never destroy another persons life. That’s not fair either. We took a test after calling a “friend” of his, she told him to get get two tests the first cake out negative but she said I need to take another one in two weeks to be sure.

I have no idea how to feel honestly, I tossed and turned al night and haven’t stopped shaking all day.

Don’t get me wrong he was more then supportive even during his own freaking out everytime I started crying he tried calming me down, he did silly stuff to make me calm down and laugh.

This was not what either of us wanted to go trough or expect when we decided to get to know each other and now I feel I fucked everything up I didn’t even want to tell him about the missing of my period unless I knew something was up because I didn’t want him to worry and this all to happen. His caring and wanting to know what’s wrong just made me as always feel safe and I spilled possibly fucking up everything.