Getting depressed again

I think it’s seasonal depression or something but not positive. I’m just stressed out but unmotivated to fix anything. I do online school and feel so behind from my class at my, ig old school now. It makes me sad I can’t go to public school anymore but my anxiety is too bad for me to go.

It takes a lot for me to do my school work but adding a shit work on top gets me distracted where I prioritize working over doing school. Then when I have plans for or with others , it also makes it worse.

Then my moms cheating on my dad and I’m the only one that knows. And idk. I’m just down about everything. And this only scratches the surfaces of why I’m sad. Idk I just want to finish school.

Idk what I’m doing for college. I haven’t taken any SATs , no essay or anything. Idek what to do cuz again I’m doing online school rather than public where public sets everything up for you.

I’m just kinda, in a zoned out mode but on the inside freaking out. Ik it’s only gonna gets worse and I’m not into taking any depression meds. Tried it and didn’t like it. Plus it’s made some people ik kill themselves so no thx. Ughhhh fuckk. I hate myself rn.