I really miss them

I have my moms side of the family and my dads side of the family. My moms side almost all live in the same state as me, and most of my dads live in Indiana. I can’t drive yet, my mom hasn’t let me take drivers ed. We had made a deal that if I passed all my classes for 11th grade I’d get to drive. 9th grade my grandpa passed away. And it was really hard to focus on anything for the rest of the year, and then 10th grade I had a lot of depression and family issues happening, and I just gave up. Basically I had my head up my ass. I let my feelings get in the way of my future. Long story short I bust my butt now to pass my classes cuz I fucked up royally. Have you ever felt invisible in your family? Like when you go to family events, everyone’s talking to someone but no one talks to you. That’s my moms side, don’t get me wrong I love ALL of them to death especially my grandma. My grandma and grandpa helped my mom raise me after all and I would die for my grandma. My dad isn’t really in the picture. He’s basically a deadbeat dad. But his family all love me and treat me with the world. Every time I visit they all come over every day to see me. And it makes me so sad to think that they are all getting older, but they live so far away and I only get to see them once a year. I honestly can’t wait to drive so I can visit them, and go over to my grandmas all the time and keep her company. I’ve struggled a lot, even tho my mom drives me crazy I love her. It’s hard cuz sometimes she can be so mean to me, call me names, scream at me, even sometimes hitting me. But I would jump infront of a car for her. I’m like that with everyone I care about. Just sucks ya know? I miss my family, and I miss my grandpa. Also one of my uncles who’s like a clone of my grandpa lives in Virginia and he’s kinda taken over my father figure role after my grandpa passed, but he lives so far away I never see him either