Struggling and sacrifices

I have never, ever been a start at home mom. My first son is turning 5 at the end of the month and I was fulltime student in college with him. My fiance isn't his biological father, but stepped in and up when right after he turbed 1.

I just had my second son 7weeks ago and have come to realize a couple things.

1- Two children are something else lol

2- We should have never assumed that my fiance would be able to 100% handle a newborn as well as he did a 1 year old.

* a little background. The oldest's father was abusive and did (still does) nothing to help, even when we lived together. I was basically a single mom and relying on grandparents to watch him while I did classes. My fiance comes into the picture and just sweeps my son and i off our feet and treated us like we were suppose to. However, he never went through the newborn stage until now.

3- because my fiance can not handle the constant crying, I have to stay home with the children because we both are afraid that he'd become way overly frustrated and who knows what...

My oldest can not attend daycare due to behaviors and such that we are seeking help/assistance for. On top of not being able to afford daycare in general...

We barley scrap by with bills on his income alone, so no doing anything extra, including having much of a Christmas/birthday for my oldest. (Thankfully he's young enough to think a couple presents from family are the best haha, and doesn't realize I regifted toys he already has.

4- im really not cut out to be a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY CHILDREN to the end of the universe, however constantly sitting in the house, not adult communication...etc gets me down.

* I have horrible car anxiety, so driving is 100%out of the question lol

Anyways if you made it this far, thanks for your time. I really needed to vent.

Hope you all have blessed holidays :)