Still missing him...

I left my abusive ex two months ago and I still miss him and think about him everyday. I try so hard not to and when I do think about him, I try to think about all the bad things and why I left him. But the few good memories come too. I’ve been trying to move on and better myself but he’s always there. I don’t have any contact with him at all. I made sure that couldn’t happen the day I left him. I just want to know how he’s doing, if he misses me and if he’s bettering himself. I absolutely hate that I miss him and think about him. All he has ever done to me is make me cry, super angry and hurt me. I loved him so much though. But a part of me can’t stop loving him and I want to so bad. I think about the bruises he left, all the words he called me, every time he threaten me and all the holes in the wall and door he punched then I think about all the love I felt for him, how happy he made me at times and everything we did together.

Every night I pray that I can stop thinking about him and that I better my life and he better his. I hate this so much